LILY POTTER: Life Unlived
by Passionismywriting
Summary: AU. First in series."Moving on doesn't mean forgetting him, it means living for him every single day."  James Potter was taken before his time, now it's up to his wife to train their son for the coming darkness.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:

All stories in this archive are based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and AOL Time Warner, and have been used without permission. Rights to these characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties.

All recognizable characters, song lyrics, settings, and ideas not associated with the world of Harry Potter remain the property of their respective owners and all original characters, situations, places and ideas are the sole property of their creators. Original content viewed here may not be used without their permission.

This story is intended for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

* * *

Prologue: Oct 31st 1981

_Dear lily,_

_I know I'm the last person you'd expect to be writing to you, and under any other circumstances I would abide by rules you set up so many years ago, but I must see you. It's urgently important. I know we have our problems, but this concerns the safety of your family. For reasons you know, I can not divulge the information in this letter. Meet me at our secret spot at 7pm tonight. Please come alone, for my safety and yours._

_The Half-Blood Prince_

_P.S. burn after reading_

Lily stared at the letter, reading the words for what seemed like the umpteenth time, her mind struggling to comprehend the words. What could Snape possibly have to say to her? Hadn't everything been settled that cold spring morning when he decide the dark arts where more important then their friendship? Three words jumped at her. **Safety. Of. Family.** Lily's heart rate doubled, speeding up her pulse and causing her hands to sweat. _Snape knew something that could cause her family harm? _

Giggling voices drew her from her dark thoughts and Lily crossed to the window, laughing out loud when she got there. It was a beautiful autumn day and her husband and child had decided to take advantage. James had summoned a bunch of leaves so harry could jump into them, shrieking with laughter every time. Lily's heart ached at seeing the joy on both their faces. Bringing the paper to her face again, she read the letter one more time, before pointing her wand at it.

"Incendio."

A small dot of fire appeared in the middle if the page- spreading-it erased any evidence of there having been words in the paper. Dropping the ash from her hand to the floor, Lily vanished the pieces, leaving nothing behind. She knew what she had to do.

0o0o

"Are you sure you don't mind?" Lily asked James while gathering her things to leave. James laughed and helping her with her coat, kissing her nose gently. "Why would I mind? You've been waiting for months for Petunia to contact you. And now that she finally does, you think I'm going to pitch a fit?" James shook his head mockingly and missed Lily's guilty expression. She felt absolutely horrid lying to her husband, but what else could she do? If James knew who she was really meeting, he'd never let her go.

"But Harry's never gone to sleep without a kiss and snuggle from me; he won't know what to do with himself." Lily said, putting on a woeful look. She had to make this convincing. Too much would have James suspicious while too little would cause the same effect. It was a fine line she walked, deceiving a marauder. _What ever Snape knew had better be worth it._ Lily thought ruefully.

James put on a wounded expression. "You don't think my kisses are as good as yours?" Lily stepped close and wrapped her arms around her husband, going up on tiptoe. "I know your kisses are magical." She whispered in his ear, blowing air gently as she did so. James shuddered; Lily had touched his weak spot. "Maybe you could postpone our meeting for an hour or two." James said huskily, drawing his wife impossibly closer.

For a moment Lily actually considered it. Talk to Snape or make love with her husband? What a decision. Before she could make up her mind, James set her away from him, his face pained. "I can actually feel your thoughts right now." Lily's heart dropped and a sudden case of nausea had her stomach churning. "What?"

"You want to stay, my manly prowess has seduced you," James shook his head. "I'm just too sexy, but there's no way I'm going to be the one that messes up this date. You're going and that's final. I will be fine for the few short hours that you're gone. It'll give Harry and me more man time together."

Lily stared at James, for one second she thought… cupping his face between her hands, she gave him a lingering kiss. Merlin how she loved this man. "I will be back as soon as I can. Remember all the procedures. I love you."

"I love you too. Lils, you have nothing to worry about. We'll be fine."

Lily's heart clenched and her stomach churned uneasily again, bile making it all the way up her throat, before Lily could swallow it down. The acid burned her throat, but she managed what she hoped was a convincing smile. It wouldn't do to let James know she wasn't feeling well. "I know you will be."

Lily Apparated to the park of her childhood. The area was dark, but she could just make out the playground equipment. A slide, jungle gym, see-saw, sandbox, and her favorite, the swings. This was the only place Snape could possibly mean, they'd spent countless hours here, talking, dreaming about how life would be like once they got to Hogwarts. The park was where they came to get away from life, Lily from the suffocating protectiveness of her family, Snape, a deeper darker reason. They were young and free here.

Lily smiled faintly at the whimsical thoughts her mind had conjured. It was easy to slip into her child memories here, easy to forget all that had happened. She made her way to the swings, and sat, the seat creaking lightly, as if protesting her weight. Checking her watch, Lily saw she had a few minutes to seven. Unlike some people she knew, Snape was a very punctual person, forever worried about being on time.

Lost in her thoughts, Lily didn't hear the rustling of a cloak, as someone Apparated into the park, but she did feel the shock her watch sent her. It traveled up her arm and into her heart, bringing a level of fear she'd never thought to feel in this place. _She shouldn't have come alone. _Pretending she didn't know someone was there, she moved her wrist slightly, releasing her wand into her hand. Snape had betrayed her, but she wouldn't go down without a fight. She wasn't called the brightest witch Hogwarts had ever seen for nothing. With an image of James and harry in her mind to remind her what she was fighting for, Lily looked up and her heart sank.

Dressed in all black, his pale, sallow face, the only thing that would distinguish him for the dark, his pitch black hair, tied at the nape of his neck, was her former best friend, the death eater. "I wasn't sure if you'd even come." His voice, slightly hoarse scraped against her heart, assaulting her with memories of a happier time. "Why Sev? Why did you take that bastard's mark?" Sadness eked out of her voice, and Lily looked at Severus trying to find the man she once was knew better then herself.

His face showed shame for a second, before in smoothed into a mask. He shook his head. "That's neither here or there. I have something important to tell you."

Lily pushed herself up from the swing, anger crowding her head, throwing the sadness into the background. "Damnit! you at least owe me this. How could you choose to work for such a man- if he even can be called that-? How could you throw our friendship away for a person who wouldn't give two shits if you lived or died?"

Snape masked dropped, and anger twisted his face. "I gave this friendship up? I?" his finger shook as he pointed in Lily's face. "You were the one who couldn't forgive. You were the one that broke us, not me."

Lily's hand tightened against her wand, ready to strike. "You promised you'd never call me that, you gave me your word, and you didn't keep it. But it wasn't just that, I knew who'd you started to spend time with, Lucious, Rookwood and others. I knew what they must have been telling you, but I wouldn't let myself believe that you would go that way, I wouldn't…" Lily stopped unable to make herself go further.

Sighing, her body practically sinking to the ground in regret and loss, she said. "It doesn't matter now. You chose your way and I chose mine. It's only the memory of our friendship that I haven't taken you down. Tell me what you need to, then go, I don't who've you become Sev, I wish you found something better, but-well- we all have to go our own path." Lily looked up at the moonlight night, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to track down her face.

She would not cry in front of this man, this stranger in her best friend's body. "Very well, Lily." Snape stopped his throat full of words he longed to tell this red hair girl. "You always were unfailing honest, even when it didn't suit you. It's only fair I extend the same courtesy. And because I know what I have to tell you, you won't believe off hand, especially from me. I'm willing to swear on my magic."

Shocked Lily looked up to see Snape, wand in hand. "Wha…"

"I, Severus Snape do swear on my magic that everything said here tonight is the truth, and if I should utter one solitary lie, may my magic be stripped from me, unto death." Lily couldn't believe what she was hearing. _Snape, giving her a magical oath? _

"Wha- why would you do this? If you utter one lie to me, you will die. Magic isn't supposed to live without magic, the purging will kill you."

Snape smiled faintly. "The last time you believed anything I said was the summer of our fourth year, which was when you made me promise never to call you…" he shrugged. "You know. I can't take the risk that you won't believe me. I-"

"You what?" Lily prompted, when he stopped suddenly.

"Nothing. Listen I didn't come here to rub old wounds. I came to warn you, your friends are not your friends."

Lily shook her head, not understanding Snape's meaning. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that today I went to an initiation ceremony. The Dark Lord was bringing someone new into the family. He said that this person had been working in the shadows for a while, spying on Dumbledore's ragtag group."

"You know about that?" Lily was almost physically ill, she had to tell Dumbledore, every one's life was at risk.

"You would be surprised at what the Dark Lord knows." Snape face grew dark, as if remembering something unpleasant. "He does not take kind to secrets." He murmured, so slow low Lily had to strain to hear him.

Whatever Snape would tell her, would change life as she knew it. Lily could feel it in her gut. "Do you know who came the newest member this morning, Lily? Do you have any idea?"

Lily looked at Snape. The feeling in her stomach was growing stronger, worse with every breath she took. "Who was it Sev? Who took the mark today?"

"Peter Pettigrew."

The world exploded into pain.

0o0o

Lily woke up screaming. The pain was unbearable; it felt as though her very skin was being ripped slowly from her body. She was on the ground, convulsing in agony. Tears leaked out of her body, _the pain wouldn't stop, it wouldn't, it wouldn't, it_…. A sharp pain on her check broke her out of the panic. Snape had slapped her. Hard. It hurt slightly less then the other pain, but it brought her mind into focus. She was calmer now, though her body still shook.

"What the bloody hell was that Lily? One minute I'm talking to you, the next you're falling to the ground screaming. What's going on?" Snape yelled, his face pale and wild. His hair had fallen out of his band, giving him an untamed look.

Lily rubbed her head, trying to remember what was going on; all she could think of was the pain. "What were we talking about?" she asked him, ignoring his questions. It seemed awfully important that she remember what they were discussing before she went down.

Snape huffed out of breath, completely shaken and exasperated. "Who the hell cares? You need medical attention. What happen just now can't be normal. You were just shaking and screaming, thi-"

Lily cut him off by grabbing his cloak. "You want to know how you can help me. Tell me what we were talking about!" Lily screamed, getting right into Snape's face.

"Alright, alright." Snape agreed, putting up his hands. "I was telling you not to trust Peter Pettigrew. He's-"

Once again Snape was cut off, this time by Lily surging to her feet. "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" she screamed into the air, before Apparating. Leaving Snape staring in disbelief, all alone.

Lily appeared in front of her house, or what used to be her house. The front of the building had been completely blown away, leaving the house open to all to see. Lily fell to her knees-emptying her stomach- her mind denying what was in front of her eyes. _No this couldn't be, we were safe, everyone was safe, we ha_-

"Lily?"

She looked up to see Sirius standing next to her, horror stricken. "Sri. I can- what-in-"

"You wait out here, I'll go." He said, understanding the words tumbling out of her mouth. Lily watched him go, his shoulders straight, daring anyone to disprove everything was going to be ok. But Lily knew, deep in her heart she knew. Nothing was ever going to be the same.

Sirius returned a few minutes later, and Lily could not fight her thoughts. _Maybe everything would be alright, maybe James was just mixing a potion and something went wrong, maybe…._ She had completely convinced herself that it was all a big misunderstanding, when she saw Sirius face. He was holding a bundle of cloth and crying.

Lily had never seen Sirius cry- not once in nine years- had she ever seen him shed a tear, but now-now he was practically bawling, his whole body shaking as he walked to her. Lily rose to her feet and held out her arms as Sirius reached her. Sobs began to rack her body as Lily peered in and saw her darling boy, a lighting shaped scar on his forehead, and-her lungs constricted-a blood red crystal around his neck

Lily could feel the warmth of Harry's body, the steady moving of his chest. She ran a finger softly down his check. Lily looked up into the teary gaze of her husband's best friend.

"James?" she whispered, still somehow, having hope even with the proof in front of her. New tears made there way down Sirius face as he shook his head, not wanting to say the words. Lily sighed, the breath leaving her body limp.

The duo stood there for several minutes, encasing themselves in a bubble, where decisions didn't have to be made. Lily could feel a numbness coming over her body, could actually feel as it started from her hands and worked its way throughout. Sirens brought Sirius back, they were exposed, who knew if there where death eaters around, and there they were standing like ducks, waiting to be struck down. Sirius let his Auror senses take over, grateful for the emotional distance.

"Lily?" he murmured, softly, "We have to get out of here. It's not safe." She didn't respond, and Sirius looked down to see Lily staring forward blankly, she was even holding little Harry funny, as if unaware he was even there. Sirius cursed, and taking both her and harry into his arms, he Apparated them out of there.

* * *

A/N: I'm looking for a beta reader. If someone is willing to take on the job please contact me. thanks.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:

All stories in this archive are based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and AOL Time Warner, and have been used without permission. Rights to these characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties.

All recognizable characters, song lyrics, settings, and ideas not associated with the world of Harry Potter remain the property of their respective owners and all original characters, situations, places and ideas are the sole property of their creators. Original content viewed here may not be used without their permission.

This story is intended for entertainment purposes only. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

* * *

Chapter One

Everything happened for a reason.

It was a mantra Lily Potter repeated to herself every time something unexpected happened. It was what she thought when she found out she was a wizard. It was her only comfort when she learned of her parents' death. When her sister Petunia spat in her face and told her she never wanted to see her again, she clung to her husband and her belief.

Everything happened for a reason.

Those five words had gotten her through some of the worst periods of her life, but now as she stared at Albus Dumbledore, leader of the Order of Phoenix. The organization she and her husband James were apart of, she finally realized they weren't enough. They were in Dumbledore's office at Hogwarts, the Wizarding School Lily and James had gone to and Dumbledore was headmaster of. Portraits of past headmasters and mistress lined the walls. The room was filled with odd equipment, which spun and beeped in no particular pattern. Next to his desk stood a stand, and on the stand, crooning softly, was Dumbledore's most prized possession(though one couldn't really own a phoenix, more like companion) Fawkes. A brilliant shade of red and gold, he was a rare and intoxicating creature.

None of this registered with Lily, she was staring intently at Dumbledore as if she could mentally make him retract the words he had just spoken. "What?" she exclaimed, shaking her head in confusion. "I'm sorry Albus I don't think we heard you correctly. Did you just say our son-our four month old son- would be the one to defeat Voldermort?" Lily looked at her husband, who was gaping and looking completely nonplussed.

Dumbledore nodded. "I wish I could say this was all a joke Lily, but to do that would be to deny the facts. There was a prophecy made. I know. I was the one who heard it. Unfortunately a spy for Voldermort overheard it as well." Dumbledore shrugged ruefully. "We weren't in the most secure location. If the spy had not heard, then alerted Voldermort, perhaps we wouldn't be here right now, but he did, and my sources tell me that although Voldermort's spy didn't hear the prophecy in it's entirely. He heard enough that Voldermort was able to create a very short list of enemies that had defied him thrice and had a child born towards the end of the seventh month."

Lily wanted to break down and cry, but thankfully the logic side of her mind kicked in. "Can we hear this prophecy Albus? It's not that I don't believe you, it's just…" Lily trailed off, and was relieved when James filled the blanks. "We just like to hear it first hand. Perhaps we'll uncover a different meaning and this meeting will be for not." James stated, not quite disguising the hope in his voice. Dumbledore stared at the couple then inclined his head. "Of course you would want to hear the prophecy. Just a moment." As Dumbledore moved to the cupboard behind his desk, Lily and James clasped hands, affirming that whatever came next, they were in this together. Dumbledore settled himself back into his seat, placing a pensive on the table in the front of the couple. "The memory is already in there," he said, x-raying them with his striking blue eyes. "Whenever you are ready." Lily looked at James, wanting to shout how she-they- would never be ready, but James was nodding his head, her hand fused to his. Dumbledore touched his wand to the inky grey surface, and a small figure rose gracefully from the pensive, her clothes shabby, like Remus'. She rotated once before speaking her voice low, grating.

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies ..."(Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix)

There was silence, then…..

"ARGGGHHH!" With a roar of rage, James jumped out of his seat. "This can't be happening. That bastard has taken this world, stolen my parents and now he wants to go after** my** son?" James pointed to himself as to make clear. "I know how you must feel James, but in this we have the advantage. We know the whole Prophecy and Voldermort does not, so we have enough time to get you, Lily and Harry into hiding." Dumbledore said, his voice calm and strong. He got up from his seat and brought James back to the chairs, murmuring comforting words about Harry not being the only choice. "The Longbottom boy's more likely as he's a pureblood…." James was nodding, the anger on his face transforming to cold determination. While Dumbledore mentioned several ways they and the Longbottoms could be safe, James listening intently, Lily contributed nothing, her mind replaying the last words over and over.

"Neither can live while the other survives…"

0o0o

"These things take time…There's nothing physically wrong with Mrs. Potter, it's magically. Her core is almost gone….."

… "Lily, you need to wake up, Harry needs you…"

…. "Come on Sirius, there's nothing…."

**Indistinct voices protruded there way into Lily's head, she was wadding in water, fighting against the current. She tried to speak, but when she opened her mouth water rushed in, choking her.**

**JAMES! Her mind screamed, as she sank in the water. JAMES! Pushing she brought herself to the surface, and tried to swim, anything to move, but her arms weighed a thousand pounds and though she pushed, Lily never moved anywhere. The water rose higher and Lily sank, her body too tired to fight.**

**JAMES!**

0o0o

"Do you really think that's necessary?" Lily asked, staring at her husband. They were in bed, tired after a long day of helping Bathilda Bagshot rearrange some furniture, Of course it would have been easier to do so with magic, but Lily and James relished the opportunity to be active, because truth be told they were…bored.

After hearing the prophecy Dumbledore and James decided that the way to keep Harry safe was going into hiding, so here they were, six months later, hiding out in Godric's Hollow under a Fidelius Charm, waiting for what, Lily didn't know. "Of course I don't but Siri insists, you know how paranoid he can be and now that we know for sure there's a spy in the order, he's even more determined to keep us safe." James said, wrapping his arms around Lily.

She snuggled deep in his arms, content, but soon popped up, unable to relax with her mind going crazy. "Ok but Peter? Why do we have to choose him?" Lily wrinkled her nose. "Don't get me wrong, I love Peter, but he's not the best magically. Are we even sure he can take the pressure of holding the secret? Why not Remus?" James sat up from his lounged position, and once again wrapped his arms around his wife.

He didn't say anything about the fact that they had already decided to do as Sirius suggested hours ago, that she was repeating the same things she had brought up at that time. "We can't use Remus because of his "flurry little problem". Once a month the spell wouldn't work and we'd be completely unprotected. Besides Peter is the best choice because he's the one everyone overlooks. The Dork Lord would expect me to use Sirius, everyone knows how close we are, but no one would ever expect Peter." Lily snorted, trying to hold back a laugh.

Dork lord, of course James would try to make this funny. "How long did it take you to think that one up?" Lily asked, smiling up into deep brown eyes.

"Why you little minx!" James laughed, and grabbing Lily, forced her own to her back where he preceded tickled her mercilessly.

"No James…. Hahaha, stop, you know…hahaha." Lily struggled in his hold, though she was laughing to hard to put up much of a fight.

"Do you concede that I am the best at making jokes?" James demanded, his fingers instinctively finding all the places Lily was most ticklish. "Do you?" he asked again when she didn't say anything. But that wasn't her fault, she was laughing to hard to speak. She did mange to nod her head, and James ceased his torture immediately.

Lily lay on the bed for a moment, gasping for breath. It was scary how much she needed that release. These last few months had been hard, and Lily was exhausted. The enormity of the situation finally settled itself on Lily, and the truth she had been trying to deny hit her in the face.

HER SON MIGHT DIE. Tears streamed down her face, and Lily rolled over so her face was covered by the pillow, unable to stop the tears. "Lily?" James questioned, sounding bewildered. She only cried harder. "Lilyflower, what is it honey? Come on please stop crying, please." James sounded pained, and Lily wanted to stop, she really did, but it was like once the valve had been opened it wouldn't close, not until she had purged all the feelings she had kept inside. James turned her unresisting body over and placed small kisses all over her face, trying to comfort her any way he knew how.

"Can… can you please just tell me what's wrong?" he asked again softly, stroking her hair. Lily took in a few shuddering breaths as she tried to explain. Tears stilled steamed down her face, and her words were watery.

"Our son is connected to a madman. Did you hear what the prophecy said? Neither can live while the other survives. How can a one year old defeat someone who's decades older? How many people will die, because only our son can stop him, but he's just a little boy, he's just a little boy and when he smiles at me…my heart, my heart breaks because I'm his mother, I'm supposed to protect him.

This… this shouldn't be his fight. He shouldn't have to grow up wondering if he's going to see the next day. He should be planning pranks, sneaking food into his room, and worrying about girls. Why our baby James, why our baby?" finished her rant, Lily took a few deep breaths, her body shuddering. James gathered Lily closer, so close it was hard to find where she ended and he began.

Taking a few deep breaths, he spoke, his voice low and soothing. "I know you're scared, I am too." He paused and Lily could feel his chest rising and falling. "Nothing I could possibly say could make you feel good about how things are. So I won't, I won't lie Lily, these are dangerous times, we don't know who to trust or how to keep Harry safe, but I promise you I will do everything in my power to make sure our son survives, not even that, thrives and goes up to have all the things we did."

Here James stopped. He brought Lily's face up so she was looking right into his brown eyes, could see his fierce determination. "Do you love me?" he asked her.

"Of course."

"Do you love our son?"

"Always."

"do you trust me to keep him safe?" here Lily swallowed, she knew what he really was saying, did she trust James to know that Peter was the best person to keep their secret. She wanted to say yes, she really did, but something in her rebelled at the thought of just having Peter the only thing protecting them.

"You know I trust you to protect our son with everything inside you," she reached a shaking hand to his face, smoothing back a few stray stands of hair. "It's the charm I don't trust; there are just too many variables. To many ways things could go wrong. Just give me a couple days to find a back- up, some way that allows our son to live outside these four walls," This time Lily looked deep into James eyes willing him to see how much this meant to her, how much she needed to feel as though she was contributing something, anything to keeping their son safe. "Then we can change keepers, and then I won't mind."

James closed his eyes, his throat working hard. Finally he nodded, and when he opened his eyes Lily almost started crying again, his emotions shone so bright.

0o0o

The silence was too loud. Sirius struggled with the urge to scream, just to bring some relief to his poor ears. Funny, he'd had to stifle that urge even when it wasn't silent. His hands clenched as he remembered why he was here. Here, was a room that was seldom used, small and dank, Sirius had a feeling not even the house elves came in, just judging on smell. So it was the perfect place for the unofficial trail of Sirius Black, he thought sardonically.

The why? Well the tribune was going to get to that. Dumbledore, McGonagall, and Moody all sat on a high rise dais in front of Sirius. Dumbledore in the middle, McGonagall to the right, Moody to the left, they murmured to each other, clearly waiting for someone or something. Sirius had to push down his impatience; he just wished they would get on with it, what if something happened to Lily while he wasn't there, or Harry?

"Do you think we could get this party on the road? I have somewhere to be." His voice dripped with sarcasm and the murmuring stopped instantly. As one they all turned to him, their faces inscrutable. He thought he'd seen every level of stern McGonagall could do, but he'd never seen her look so forbidding.

James would go… Sirius thoughts stalled as he realized James wouldn't do anything.

James was dead.

His breath caught and his eyes burned. All the guilt and anger rushed through him, making Sirius want to scream, rage at a world that would leave a man without his brother. Sirius took several deep breaths to bring himself back. He'd almost lost control, something Blacks didn't do. He could almost hear his mom reprimanding him now, her look disapproving. With effort Sirius closed his mind on that unpleasant memory and once again focused on the people in front of him.

He couldn't stop the flinch that over took him when he looked at Moody, his heart beating a little faster. That new eye took some getting used to. Sirius thought with a chuckle. And it didn't come easy. Some punk death eater had gotten a luck hit off Moody, something he would come to regret, when gloating over Moody's prone body, Sirius had stunned him.

He set a portkey on the asshole, sending him to the ministry holding cell, then had gotten Moody to the hospital, but it was too late and rather than have the healers cauterize the wound. He'd had them put in the all-seeing eye. And the chunk of nose missing made for rather handsome man.

Sirius snickered at that last thought; at least he hadn't completely lost his sense of humor. And last but never least- Sirius moved his head a little bit to take him in- the scion of the Wizarding World, Albus Dumbledore. Cheers erupted in Sirius head, and he just barely stopped the laugh that tried to escape. It died when he looked Dumbledore straight on.

Sirius had to stop the instinctual motion to dip his head in shame, he'd only seen this look on Dumbledore face one time, and he swore to himself to never see again. The normal kindly grandfatherly face was gone, replaced by a hard man, who looked old, so old. There was no smile, no offering of candy, and worse-the very worst-no twinkling eyes. It was as if all the light had gone out of Albus Dumbledore. The man on question cleared his throat and if it was possible the whole room got smaller, the tension was so thick.

"Sirius Orion Black, you are here today to answer questions pertaining to the night of October 31st 1981, when the man who calls himself Lord Voldermort (Sirius took a somewhat sadistic pleasure in seeing McGonagall flinch) entered the Potter's house, murdered James Potter and attempted murder of one Harry Potter, the object of his malice. The circumstances surrounding how Harry survived are unclear, but what we do know is that Voldermort wasn't supposed to find the Potters. Only their secret keeper knew their location, there could be no torture, no murder to get the secret, the keeper had to give it up willingly," Dumbledore leaned forward and pierced Sirius with his cold blue eyes. "You were the Potters secret keeper, were you not?"

Sirius stared back and with all the sincerity he could muster said, "no."

The top members of the Order didn't blink. "And if we gave you Veritaserum would you say the same thing?" McGonagall asked. Sirius was nodding his head even before she finished the statement. "Yes I would, not that it would make any difference as I'm immune to the truth serum."

A snort of disbelief came from Moody. "I find that hard to believe Black, you would have had-"

"To be dosed everyday from the time I was ten to when I could finally tell a lie." Sirius interrupted his voice tight. In his mind he could hear his mother berating him for failing yet again to hide the truth. "Blacks must all be held to a higher standard." He could hear his mother say as she directed Krecher to once again force the bitter tonic down his throat.

McGonagall gasped, her face going pale. She knew, as his former head of house, more than most about his home life, but Sirius had never shared this with her. Dumbledore was the only one to show no reaction to this news; he continued to stare at Sirius, his blue eyes staring so deeply Sirius felt as if his soul was being examined. Sirius did not look away, knowing what Dumbledore was doing-what he saw might very well decide if Sirius walked out of the room a exactly as he had walked in, a free man- Sirius opened his mind and allowed Dumbledore to see he was telling the truth about everything.

He was so good Sirius couldn't even feel Dumbledore in his mind, and Sirius had often prided himself on being able to feel any contact, even one from the Dork Lord himself. Pain and guilt sliced there way through him. James had come up with that name, right after he, Sirius, had come up with the brilliant idea to change secret keepers. He was so stupid, so bloody stupid not to have known. Peter hadn't even wanted it, had tried to refuse countless times, but Sirius wore him down.

Had Peter been one then? Had he already took the mark? "I do believe you are telling the truth in this one instant," Dumbledore voice broke Sirius from his recriminations. "But the rest reminds to be seen."

"How do you suppose we go about questioning the boy, Albus?" Moody asked his manner impatient. "Short of an unbreakable vow, there's no way, and I don't believe the Ministry would be too happy if Sirius Black were to die inside Hogwarts, considering they are looking for him."

"You're assuming that he would die then, Alastor?" McGonagall inquired, leaning forward to see Moody more clearly.

"I assuming nothing of the sort, I just don't want the Minister at our doors, he's already been asking too many questions, wanting to see Lily, and the Potter boy-"

"His name is Harry and I would appreciate if you would not talk about me as if I'm not present." Sirius cut in, his eyes flashing with anger. "This is my life you're discussing so cavalierly. Figure out a way to know I'm telling the truth so I can get out of here." Silence descended on the group for a second, then as one, McGonagall, Moody, and Dumbledore huddled together, murmuring so quietly once again Sirius couldn't hear them. Huffing in disbelief, Sirius settled back in his chair, resigned to waiting.

It wasn't like he didn't have places to be, people he needed to attend to, he had all the time in the-

"Will you just get on with it? My kids are having kids right now." Sirius said sarcastically, slouching as much as he could in the hard stone chair. He sat up soon though-the chair was horribly uncomfortable- knowing that McGonagall had conjured it for that very reason, Sirius settled for glaring scornfully. It did not have quite the effect he was hoping for, as McGonagall, Moody and Dumbledore continued to murmur. They hadn't even noticed his outburst, Sirius noticed resentfully. It had been quite good too, full of passion and rightful indignation. Why he had half a mind to-

"Black?" startled Sirius looked up to see Moody peering at him quizzically. It was disconcerting to see as one was spinning madly. "If you would put on the hat, so we can-as you said-'get on with it'." Something tugged on his leg and Sirius looked down to see a house elf holding the sorting hat.

Sirius looked up, confused. "You want to resort me?" he asked, half-joking.

"No!" Moody barked out. "We would like you to put on the hat so that we may be able to see if you are telling the truth. You can not lie while the sorting hat is on."

Sirius lifted an eyebrow in disbelief. "This is your great plan?" he took the hat from the elf, and waved it around. "This? What about Occlumency? Dumbledore was just using it on me, or a pensive perhaps, surely one of you must have one."

McGonagall answered this one. "That was passive Occlumency. The kind that we need to be able to tell if you are being truthful is a more invasive type, tires the one using it, especially if the person we are doing it on also has shields, as we know you do. And as for a pensive, those can be tricked." McGonagall shook her head. "I know this seems silly, but this is the best possible solution. Now please put on the hat Sirius, we don't want to be here all night."

Feeling that things were delving into the realm of ridiculous Sirius nevertheless put the hat on.

**It's good to see you again Mr. Black,** the sorting hat spoke. **Let's try to make things as painless as possible, hmm?**

Sounds good to me. Sirius responded in his mind. **"I'm ready to begin headmaster." **The sorting hat said, addressing the council.

"As are we," Dumbledore responded. There was silence for a moment, and then it began.

"Sirius, tell us the events leading up to October 31st, specifically when you decided to- as you maintain- switch secret keepers with Peter Pettigrew."

Sirius drew a deep shuddering breath, knowing that whatever he said, would either acquit him or convict him. "Well…."

0o0o

Lily wasted no time, kicking her search into high gear. She only had a few days, a week at the most before James changed secret keepers, and there was no time to dawdle. Moving quickly into researcher mode Lily moved into her potions lab, determined not to come until she found the answer. She dived deeper into old magic, sure there she would find her answer. Book after book was searched diligently then tossed aside, none offering her the hope she was looking for, but merely increased her determination. She would not give up, she would not…

"Lily!"

With a snort Lily jumped up, her heart pounding erratically. "What! Are there Death Eaters?" she asked, drawing her wand and looking around wildly. Only her husband stood there glowering at her. Pressing a hand to her still fast past heart, Lily settled back in her seat, sending James a glare of her own. "What was the meaning of that? You sacred the pants off me."

"Good. Now we're even."

Lily's glare deepened into a frown. "What's that supposed to mean?"

James snorted. "Lily I haven't seen you in three days, you been working in this lab non-stop. I don't even think you've eaten," just then her stomach growled, lending credence to his words.

"See?" he flung a hand in the direction if her belly. "Even your body agrees with me you need a break. You can't keep working like this."

"I don't have time for breaks," Lily sighed, and rubbed her aching eyes, before bending down to reread the last sentence. "Just let me work. I can't give up James, I'm so close I can feel it, the answer is here, and I can't give up."

James scowled, "I'm not asking you to give up. I'm asking you to take a break. You haven't eaten, you haven't rested. This is not the way you save our son's life, by killing your own!" He picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder, then began moving out of the lab, going to their bedroom.

"James! What are you doing! Put me down right now! I have to get back to work." Lily demanded fiercely, pounding on his back in anger.

"There's no way I'm putting you down honey, you're exhausted, working on fumes. That's no way to help our son, a son -by the way- that misses him mum. You never see him, all you do is work in that lab."

"I'm trying to save him, I can't afford to rest. Each moment I don't find the answer, is another moment his life is still threatened, I can't live like that, James, I won't."

"And we can't live like this," James set Lily gently on the bed, covering her with his own body when she tried to get up. "Harry misses his mum and I miss my wife. It's been three days since he saw you, is that what you want?" He smoothed some hair back and kissed her forehead gently. "If you love us, you'll take a break, 30 minutes at the most- is that too much to ask?"

Lily didn't answer and James drew back to look at her face, fearing the answer. He laughed softly a second later, his Lilyflower was sound asleep. Her pale face was peaceful and relaxed, a welcome respite from the pinched, dull look she had earlier. James moved slowly off her summoning a blanket to cover her. Stepping out of the room, he went to the nursery, opening the door more quietly he saw his son awake and playing with the stuffed stag Sirius had gotten him when he was born. He was talking to it quietly, his baby words interspaced with real ones.

As always when James spied his firstborn, his heart swelled with love. He walked in further and Harry, immediately seeing him, dropped the stag and clambered clumsily to his feet, his eyes lighting up. "Da! Da!" he cried, delightedly, his pudgy hands holding on to the rail of his crib. "Up! Up Da!"

James chuckled and did as Harry ordered, settling him securely in his arms. "Hello son. What have you been up today?" Harry cocked his head, thinking hard, then launched into a rambling rendition of what he did, of course James, not being a baby, had no idea what Harry was saying, but he listened intently anyway, going to sit in the rocking chair, when it became obvious Harry had a lot to say.

This was his perfection, James mused as he slowly rocked back and forth, allowing Harry's chatter to become background noise. Absolute perfection… James thoughts slowed and his breathing deepened until he was snoozing in the chair, Harry tucked in his arms.

Lily found them there, 30 minutes later. Their hair was rumpled, drool was at the edge of both their lips, but Lily had never seen a more touching sight. James' arms were holding Harry's body, even in sleep, cradling him, protecting him….. Lily's thoughts stalled as suddenly a light bulb went off. She knew how to save Harry. Whirling around she ran toward her lab, her heart lighter then it had been in months.

0o0o

"And that's exactly how it happened." Sirius said, tears dripping down his face. "I'm the one who made Peter become the secret keeper; I'm the one who convinced James to switch." He stopped and brought his head down, overcome by the truth. "**He's telling the truth Headmaster. At the time of James Potter's death he was not the secret keeper."** The sorting hat stated.

"Well," McGonagall put in, her voice sorrowful. "In light of the information, there is no need to give Sirius to the ministry, he is not a death eater, nor did he give the Potter's away. Innocent, I say, what say ye?" she looked toward her colleagues. Dumbledore gave a short nod, signaling his agreement, while Moody rose to his feet, clearly done.

"Fine so the boy's innocent, " he growled, "but that doesn't help us with the Ministry, they want blood."

"I'll deal with the Ministry, Alastor." Dumbledore said. The twinkle back in his eye. Before anything else could be said, a house elf popped into view.

"Sorry to be disturbing you Headmaster sir." The elf squeaked, bowing low, "but you told me to inform you if anything changed with Mrs. Potter-,"

Sirius interrupted, surging to his feet. "Is she alright? What's happening?"

The elf turned to Sirius beaming. "She is being perfectly fine sir, just awake."

0o0o

"Back again Ms. Evans?"

"It's Potter and has been for two years Madam." Lily said quietly. She did not stir from where she sat. Her back to the wall of the highest tower of Hogwarts. A grunt was heard before Lily felt a weight settle next to her, though she still did not look at the person disturbing her peace. Lily wanted to summon some feeling of irritation, she had come here for privacy, and it was being intruded on, but found she could not. That happened a lot these days, Lily reflected, tilting her head back to encompass the whole night sky.

"Of course, I'm sorry. It's hard to break from habit, I've been calling you Ms. Evans for seven years, way longer then I've had to call you Potter, it'll take some getting used to." Lily finally turned her face, looking straight at Madam Promfrey.

"What do you want?" Lily asked directly.

Madam Promfrey didn't pretend to misunderstand her and Lily was oddly grateful for that, she was sick of people handling her like she was glass. "I want you to start taking care of yourself and that baby." Even though Lily had been expecting this, she couldn't help her intake of breath, and the instinctive motion of her hand to her stomach.

"Is Harry alright? I left him with Remus so I could get some air, what's happened?" Lily injected dose of panic in her voice and hoped Madam Promfrey hadn't seen her hand motion.

"I'm not talking about Harry and you know it Ms. Evans. I'm talking about the baby you're carrying, one that's lucky to be alive after what you went through. I'm talking about the baby you are now consciously hurting because you are not taking proper care of yourself. I'm-"

"What do you want from me?" Lily cried, shooting to her feet, her face anguished. "My husband is dead Madam Promfry, DEAD, and I don't know who I am without him. How can I raise Harry and," her hand strayed to her stomach "and this one? We weren't even trying to have another baby." Lily turned her face away so Madam Promfrey wouldn't see the tears crowding her eyes. This life felt unreal; there were two Lily's, the one with James and the one without. But she didn't know how to be without him. "Who am I without my heart?" She asked herself, unaware that she spoken out loud. The hand on her shoulder startled Lily; she had forgotten she wasn't alone.

"Make your children your heart Lily. I know this is hard, it's like learning how to walk and talk all over again, but you have too, for the safety and happiness of you children." Lily didn't respond. Footsteps and the loss of warm hand alerted Lily to Madam Promfrey leaving.

"I know James wouldn't want you to live this way. Moving on doesn't mean forgetting him, it means living for him every single day." There was silence after that and Lily knew she was alone. She stood against the wall of the North tower till the sun went down, before going inside.


End file.
